The Funniest ESRB Video Game Summaries

According to the ESRB rating website: The Entertainment Software Rating Board (ESRB) ratings provide concise and objective information about the content in video games and apps so consumers, especially parents, can make informed choices. ESRB ratings have three parts:
Rating Categories suggest age appropriateness
Content Descriptors indicate content that may have triggered a particular rating and/or may be of interest or concern
Interactive Elements highlight interactive or online features of a product, including users' ability to interact with each other, the sharing of users' location with other users, if purchases of digital goods or services are offered, and/or if unrestricted internet access is provided.

Here are some of the funniest summaries from ESRB.

Animal Crossing: New Leaf
Image result for Animal Crossing: New Leaf screenshot

This is a “sandbox” simulation game in which players start a new life as the mayor of a town. Players engage in activities such as fishing, bug-catching, and interacting with neighbors. Players have the ability to bonk other characters on the head in a comical manner with toy mallets or butterfly nets. In a handful of scenes, characters can be heard emitting flatulence sounds.

Pokemon: Omega Ruby / Alpha SapphireImage result for Pokemon: Omega Ruby / Alpha Sapphire screenshot

This is a role-playing game in which players pit their collection of small creatures (known as Pokémon) against other trainers to become Pokémon League Champion. Players interact with characters from a fantasy land and engage in turn-based battles: selecting attack moves (e.g., Thunder Shock, Fusion Flare, Poison Jab) from menu screens. These encounters are accompanied by smacking/zapping sounds, colorful light bursts, and depletion of health meters. The game includes instances of comical/bodily humor: a Pokémon with animated mucous dripping from its nose (“It sniffs the snot back up. . .” ); a "Belch" attack; dialogue stating “a novice like me, still so young I wet the bed.”

Super Smash Bros. Wii U
Image result for Super Smash Bros. Wii U Screenshot

This is a fighting game in which players engage in brawls with characters from a variety of Nintendo franchises. Players punch, kick, and use power-ups (e.g., fireball blasts, banana peels, mallets) to defeat enemies and/or knock opponents off stage platforms. Each character is able to use special attacks that inflict large-scale damage on opponents; one character's special attack uses a crosshair target to fire lasers at opponents in the battle arena. Battles are “cartoony” though frenetic and are highlighted by explosions, colorful light effects, and cries of pain. During the course of the game, players can unlock/obtain character trophies that depict female characters in revealing outfits (e.g., short skirts, moderate amounts of cleavage). One character emits flatulence gas clouds to attack opponents.

Image result for Scribblenauts Screenshot

This is a puzzle game in which players navigate a series of traps, puzzles, and enemies to collect stars scattered throughout the colorful levels. Players have the ability to summon different objects by writing/typing in the word (e.g., bike, spaceship, lion) and watching it come to life. If multiple words are entered in a sequence, different whimsical scenarios can be triggered: a bicycle can be used to jump over a baby; a bulldozer can clear away a shark; and cabbage can be fed to dinosaurs. Players can elect to summon "cartoony" versions of bats, bombs, guns, and flamethrowers. These types of items can be used to destroy objects or even other summoned items (e.g., a club can be used to hit an animal; steak can be attached to a baby to attract lions; rockets can be lobbed at a man). These triggered animations are minimally depicted and are usually accompanied by popping, musical sound effects; bright, star-shaped flashes; or small puffs of smoke. If players wish to, they may type in the word vomit, which causes a beige-colored lump to appear on the screen.

Mario Party 10
Image result for Mario Party 10 Screenshot

This is a collection of mini-games (i.e., “party games”) in which players compete against characters from the Mario universe. Players move around themed game boards and compete in mini-games in order to collect stars. Several mini-games depict characters battling boss figures by shooting cannonballs at them or shooting them with "cartoony” tanks. Others games depict characters bonking each other with mallets or pushing each other off cloud-like ledges.

Mario Kart 8
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This is a kart-racing game in which players compete with characters from the Mario universe. As players race against other drivers, they can use “cartoony” power-ups (e.g., bombs, turtle shells, fire balls) to impede opponents' progress. Some attacks result in vehicles spinning out, flipping into the air; comical yelps and colorful explosions accompany the action.

Mario and Luigi: Bowser's Inside Story
Image result for Mario and Luigi: Bowser's Inside Story Screenshot

This is an adventure role-playing game (RPG) in which players assume the roles of Mario and Luigi after they are swallowed by a giant version of their archrival, Bowser. Players work to find a way out of Bowser's stomach and must fight enemies (e.g., bugs, meat creatures, and adrenaline balls) along the way. During turn-based combat, players can jump on the enemies or pelt them with fireballs and turtle shells to defeat them. In one scene, a tiny worm emits flatulence (i.e., a yellow cloud) in a character's face to elude being captured.

The Author

I've been playing Nintendo since the 90s!

1 comment:

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